Mr. Right can do no wrong

I've told this to a few people before and the more I say it the more I try to find the truth in it. I mean is this really a thing? Is it this simple. Mr. Wrong can never do right and Mr. Right can do no wrong.

Now I know that this seems cliché, but so what. Even frivolous musings can have some wisdom in 'em. Don't forget it can also apply to the Mrs. of the world. I just have zero interest in whether a woman can be right or wrong so I'll just focus on the Mr.'s.

Mr. Wrong can never do right and Mr. Right can do no wrong. I feel like exhausting my thoughts behind this. I don't know if I heard someone else say this first or if it's my brain child; either way, I filed it away. It must speak to something or why else would I save it. I try to only retain needful things, because I don't want to run out of memory when I really need it. But, I digress.

Ok soooo…Mr. Wrong can never do right. There's a pretty simple logic to that. If you've ever been pursued by a very nice person that you had zero attraction to, nothing they did was enough to make you fall for them. As a matter of fact, it can stir up the feeling of agitation. I know for me it can trigger a fight or flight reaction. Neither is endearing.

Ok soooo… Why does Mr. Wrong make you want to punch him in the face for trying to touch your hand?? Maybe that's too strong of a reaction. How about when he tries to lean in to kiss you and you get the heebie geebies (is that how you spell that? Hmm) Anyway, there seems to be a chemical reaction that almost repels you away.

But then I think about maybe Mr. Wrong just can't do right right now but later he could be all right. It's just that right now the timing is all wrong so it puts him in a space that's awkward. Out of sync. Like he could be Mr. Right six months down the road, if he wasn't so darn wrong right now.

Here's another thought, maybe he has all the makings of Mr. Right, but you're so screwed up in your head with unrealistic fantasies that you confuse right for wrong. Just suspicious lol. He brings flowers and you're like "He must think I'm stupid! Being all nice so I can trust him. No way Buddy!" Checking off boxes of what's wrong. You can't even recognize right anymore. He tries to open the door for you and you retort, "Ugh, you just wanna look at my booty. Men are nasty.". Please know that I am fully aware that this explanation could never belong to anyone reading my blog. Yet, this does remind me of the whole "hurt people hurt people" thing. Whatever, I digress.

I've had Mr. Right and even when he was wrong he was so right in his wrongness that all wrong seemed all right. Whew. Seriously though. He can arrive late with no flowers and you're just like "oh well, you're here now". He can smell like a freaking grease monkey and you're still gushing. "Oh how I love a handy man!"

What makes his wrong so right? He's not the only guy with beautiful eyes and a jolly laugh. Other guys may not be able to change your breaks, but they'll smell good and show up on time. He can't do wrong because all wrongs are nullified by the rightness of his ability to just feel right. All the time. Right? *sigh*

I think I might have married Mr. Right who lives inside of Mr. Wrong or Mr. Wrong who cleverly hid inside of Mr. Right. That is my conundrum. He baffles me almost everyday. He's right in the morning, wrong during the day, and right at bedtime. It's like a right wrong roller coaster. How can I adore him and want to punch him in the face at the same time just because he brought me ice cream that I didn't ask for??? Now I do not condone violence, but geez Louise! I really don't think there's a wife out there that hasn't slapped the shit out of her husband in her mind. Similarly, I've caught him looking at me in a way that screamed, "Biiittccchhh!" Needless to say, he was wrong for being right. But we don't slap or call names. Sorry… I digress.

I think my thoughts on this have been exhausted.

That person…

If you can control it, please don't be that person. You know. The person who is so preoccupied with what comes next that they have no presence in the present.

I try my best not to be that person. That person that sits in the front of the class and equates every lecture to a personal experience. I can tell you that no one cares that you were a real estate agent who volunteered to pass out water during a space shuttle launch. It has nothing to do with [insert course title].

It takes self discipline to avoid becoming that person. No matter what great news your closest friend has you some how turn the conversation towards your own achievements that just happens to grander than hers/his. You are considered a one upper and no one likes your attempts to shine by snuffing the flame of someone else's brightness.

It takes self awareness not to devolve into that person. The emotional vampire. There I've said it. Get your life together. No one wants to hear you whine about a life you created and are unwilling to change.

Oh God, no!!! Have I become that person? The one who sits on high and judges others. Deluded into thinking that we've lived in perpetual triumph all our lives. Forgetting every stumble and fall.

I think it's best to remember that at some point it's likely that we have been that person.

Generations: Worlds apart

Time. Lines. In one household, we occupy vastly different spaces. Worlds apart from each other, our bond is challenged by our coexistence.

A medical emergency lead us to decide that we needed to move our family in with our parents. As self-sufficient grown ass adults, it’s been humbling to say the least. It was the wisest option considering the totality of our circumstances, and their love and support has helped us through a difficult healing process.

We knew that combining our kids (young adults) and our parents under the same roof would be a challenge. What I think I underestimated was how this would become a study of values and behavioral norms across generational lines. Our age sets are 68-72, 44-47, and 17-23. The 68-72 set has two people, a male and a female. The 44-47 set is also a married male and female couple. The 17-23 group is made up of 3 single males.

Our parents lived alone in a two story 5 bedroom house. Needless to say, we are not living on top of one another. Everyone has a certain amount of privacy and a space they can retreat to. The parents generally occupy the living room during the day and early evening. The watch all their stories, Fox news, and Alaskan wilderness shows. Mother is the primary cook, so their days are scheduled around meals with dinner at 6pm. Pop is retired military, but works part time to stay active and supplement his income. Mother has not worked outside the house in about 30 years. Pop is a Republican and Mother is her husband’s wife. They share one car. The house alarm was generally set by 8pm.

Time. Our household is nocturnal. Well the male part of my household anyway. My husband and sons become active in the house after dark and it lasts until around 3am. While recovering from his injury, my husband slept during the day and perked up once I got home in the evening. Two of our sons work nights, so they do not get home until midnight. During summer, the 17 year old keeps the same vampire schedule as his Dad and brothers. I go to sleep around the time the older ones get home. Dad and boys may sit outside in the night air talking, laughing, and sipping a brew, or they may watch a comedy and laugh until they can’t breath. They have very little sense of volume, especially their Dad whose laugh is best described as “jolly”. My husband and I vote bipartisan. Our voting age sons are more liberal. Oh and we have 5 cars.

Lines. Everytime the night crew goes outside, the alarm system announces “garage door” or “front door” loudly. Apparently, the volume was raised to proclaim what they were doing at night and it fuels an annoyance about what they are doing at night. Pop is asleep; they are awake. Consequently during the day, he is awake, while they are asleep.

And more lines. The parents park in their garage. In an effort to not block their side of the driveway, we park two cars in a line on the other side, and three cars on the street. Yes, this means we have to park at least one in front of the neighbors houses (we try to rotate which neighbor as a courtesy). The parents don’t want to offend their neighbors; my menfolk feel like it’s a setup (can’t park in the driveway, but have to endure snide comments about disturbing the neighborhood). Sincerely, some neighbors have pulled their second cars out of their driveways and permanently parked them at the curb so they can’t use that space (super petty).

Worlds apart. The distance between our parents and children is vast. We exist in the void between. We look up to our parents and understand their perspective. Their act of love for us has also been an inconvenience for them. Their life and routines have changed. There is constant movement in their once quiet house.

Our children were hurt that they could not financially take over while their Dad was down. We respect them for their efforts and understand their limitations. We communicate with them as adult men. They work hard and pay an agreed upon rent. They helped with their Dad’s daily care while he was not mobile. His immobility also made the parents feel that they should act as surrogate parents to the boys. Their grandparents will always see them as children no matter that the 17 year old is 6’1″; therefore, chastising is the method employed for guidance. That hasn’t worked towards building reciprocity. It does contribute to the young men using avoidance as a defense. The sad part is that it’s also cheating them from being able to get to know their grandparents as people with decades of wisdom and experiences.

I don’t have a resolution. I don’t even know if there needs to be one. Conflict is not always negative; it can cause healthy introspection. I just know our arrangement is temporary and when it’s over I need to put more effort to get the parents to visit our home. Our political ideologies do not serve as concrete evidence that there is no consensus of opinions on any matter. Each generation pulls from their experiences and set their moral compass to navigate the world as they know it. I think all three generations need more time to erase some lines that keep us from fuller connections to the past, present, and future.

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