Heart of the fight

My heart taught me a lesson. Life is worth every fight!

I can tell you what my heart said.

Stop.

I was stunned by it’s persistence.

Pause.

Take me back to when I was invincible.

Halt.

I trusted it to see me through unnumbered years.

Wait.

It trusted me to care for it unselfishly.

Begin.

Moment of transparency: On August 31st, I had a minor heart attack. Heart event. I down play it quite a bit, because thank God I didn’t need surgery. It could have been so much worse. Nevertheless, it was bad enough for me.

I was hospitalized for three days and for me that was paramount to an eternity. I have always been in really good health and had no previous indication that my heart was upset with me.

I did not have bone crushing pain. It was pressure in my arm and eventually my chest. It felt like anxiety. It felt sick, nauseated more than anything. All in all, I just didn’t feel good. I could have easily dismissed it. Blamed it on fatigue and laid down. But deep inside, I knew what I was feeling wasn’t normal. I decided to have my sons take me to the emergency room.

Now… If you’ve read some of my previous posts Heal-thy Self and Out sick, you may have deduced that I do not go to doctors for ANYTHING. Not annual exams. Not wellness check ups. Nothing. So for me to ask to go to the hospital was major for my husband and kids. I knew I was in a critical situation and the ER was only a few blocks away. I actually thought they would dismiss me with some diagnosis of anxiety or female hysteria. They didn’t.

I immediately got an EKG and the event was over, but my tests were abnormal. Further tests confirmed that I had a cardiac event. From there I was hospitalized. They took my Troponin levels every few hours. The numbers increased until they plateaued and then begin to taper off.

I do not have coronary disease or injury. It was literally a fluke. They gave me meds (of course) and I am grudgingly taking them until we decide I don’t have to anymore. I’ve gone to every followup appointment. I will go annually now.

I went from being able to walk 3.5 miles in about 40 minutes to waking .5 miles in 20 minutes. I know it will take time to get back to the strength and endurance I had. I’ve never felt so mortal. It’s a good thing I know the power of healing radiates from the inside out. And I am healed in the name of Jesus and through the activation of my will!

My heart taught me a lesson. Life is worth every fight!


🌺🌺🌺🌺Peace & Blessings🌺🌺🌺🌺🦋🦋🦋 🦋FOLLOW ME🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

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Live, love, and learn

Out of sight is not out of mind. Not in the case of you and me anyway.

I think about you literally every day. I knew that I should reach out, but I just couldn’t.

I want you to know that I’m ok and my absence has nothing to do with you. It’s all about me.

I’m not being cliche. As much as I love and adore you, I had to give myself quality time.

I’m graduating in May, applying for another program that starts in August, trying to study for the LSAT (not going good), and applying for some faculty jobs.

My first draft was a bit rough, but I learned quite a bit about myself and my motivations to teach. Worthwhile exercise.

Everybody wants an essay these days. They want to know my teaching philosophies or my career objectives. They keep asking why and how. (Shit! I don’t know, but I kinda figured it out)

Sometimes, many times, I think I can juggle it all. It takes me time to grasp the reality that I must put my sanity at the center of my priorities in order to even hear my true intentions for myself.

I stopped smoking (again) and let go of meat. I didn’t like either one very much anyway. Both smell bad and make my head hurt.

I listened to an audiobook on learning to sit in silence. I read two books on healing the body and brain. I joined a support group as an emotional outlet and a crocheting class to develop a fun new coping skills.

Image: I’m making a Cali-King blanket for our bed. I’ve learned that I really dig crocheting❤️

I miss you, but I have to focus on me. I have to be quiet in my spirit. Stay committed in my focus.

I am not good at commitment. I told you that in the beginning. So all my energy is spent staying the course.

Anywho…..I’ve gone on a bit long. But I had to tell you that I’m not gone. I am just off building myself. Learning and living my philosophies.

Sincerely, Fuzz🦋

Me & Mr. 247😍❤️

❤️❤️❤️❤️LOVE Y’ALL❤️❤️❤️❤️


My contribution to the DP Prompt: Grasp


🌺🌺🌺🌺Peace & Blessings🌺🌺🌺🌺

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Heal-thy Self

I am feeling much better after my bout with the flu. It was pretty freaking horrendous, but I’m built to last (until my time expires). The body aches were so bad that at one point I thought I just might have to see a doctor.

I will confess, admit, reveal, share that I am not a fan of doctor visits. Doctors of psychology, anthology, literature, and abscure social sciences get higher credence from me then general practitioners. Jack of all trades; Masters of none. Harsh? I know, but so is a profession that pushes cures with side effects that will kill you before your original malady does.

As people, I am sure that there are some wonderfully compassionate and literate practitioners. I’ve met one or two during visits my husband forced upon me. He will chaperone me to make sure I don’t ditch out. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Oh! Wait… You think I’m scared? Ummm hell to the naw I ain’t scared. I just respect that practitioners are practicing how to discover disease. Dis-ease. It is not their job to give you a 100% clean bill of health, which by the way should come with a deductible waiver. You came to see them because you’re ailing. It is their job to find out why. You made a checkup appointment to make sure all is well. For your copay, they will gladly help you find borderline issues that you should monitor.

Yes. Of course, if I broke my neck I’d want a neurosurgeon on my team. Duh. If I had a stroke, I’d listen to the physical and occupational therapist recommendations. But I’m not just going to volunteer my body up for scrutiny, lest I come out with some new lab engineered retrovirus. And please before the lectures on this point begins just remember S.H.E.M. (syphilis, HIV, Ebola, Mercer). The list is longer, but I think that’s a cool enough acronym.

Do I have distrust that diseases are created and administered by medical professionals? Knowingly and unknowingly. All doctors? Hell no! But can you look in their face and tell which one signed up for a new patient study… Nope.

You know there’s more money in treatments than cures, right? Think that through.

Ok. I will try to simplify my personal thoughts on this. I am not against doctors, I am for healing. I believe that my body is a large system that is comprised of smaller interconnected systems. These systems work independently and in unison to allow my body to function at it’s prime capacity. If I neglect any one of those systems, I will create a dis-ease in my systems functionality. I may also have genetic markers that triggers certain dis-ease when certain conditions exist. Soooo first, I take personal responsibility for how I treat and care for the body I have. I know what I can eat and what I can’t and I try my best not to tempt fate by consuming things my body has adverse reactions to. Second, diagnostics can help you know what you’re body is working against. I may scoff at exams, but some of the testing can provide you valuable information that shouldn’t be overlooked. This step should equipt you to take care of point one.

I love love love avacados, but they make my eyes itch. I love peanut butter, but recently I noticed when I eat it my throat gets scratchy. So guess what, I don’t eat avacados or peanut butter anymore 😩😩

I know these are minor allergies and nothing compared to major health challenges. I’ve also seen people with “borderline” hypertension start taking medication and within a year their blood pressure is out of control. The medicine is not formulated to make you better. And now instead of one pill, you’re taking four. But then again, you’re still eating salt and pepper pistachios by the bag and cooking pork roasts for Sunday dinner. It’s a relationship y’all..

I don’t think I have to get sick to prove I’m healed. I can just live a healthy life. That doesn’t mean I’ll never get sick (that flu proved that). I just don’t think I have to stay sick and my first line of defense is taking responsibility to care for and nurture my body back to wellness. I believe God and I believe my body was designed for this life. I also believe that death happens to everyone, but that’s a whole nutha’ topic.

Anti-Flu Vitamin Cocktail:

  • 2 Black Seed Oil capsules
  • 2 Vitamin C tablets
  • 1 Echinacea capsule
  • 1 garlic tablet (or 1 raw clove)

I took this cocktail 3 times a day for the first 3 days. I was also rotating Motrin/Tylenol for my fever. I did basic yoga stretches at least once a day, but I tried for three. I walked the gameroom for 10 minutes twice a day. This was exhausting but it really helped with the body aches.

(Disclaimer: I am not a physician of any sort. I am not making a medical recommendation. I am simply sharing what has worked for me. Meditate on it❤️)


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Yoga-Ice-Chin

This was me this morning with my son, Groovy, and my grandgirl, Lil Miss. Both were great teachers and really helped work out a little stiffness in my hips. I can now bow to the divine in them. Namaste. 🙏🏽

The time spent loosening up my joints really did help me pause and reflect. Mainly I wondered…”When the hell did I get so stiff??”

I feel better about my quality of life than I ever have, yet when I get out of a chair my back and hips make a distinct rice crispy crackle sound. Snap. Crackle. Pop. Not just in the morning. It’s soooo disrespectful. It undermines all my other youthful qualities 😞 (my hips are haters)
https://m.facebook.com/liveyourphilosophies/”> Minus the little under-eye puffiness, I don’t look a day over 48!! (Wait🤚🏽 I’m 47🤔).

Most ladies and some thoughtful men have a regular maintenance routine. I oil my face with apricot oil almost every day. I typically just wash my face with water only; nevertheless I do wash it with a moisturizing soap when I’ve been wearing makeup or sweating (I hardly do either). So skin…flawless! Ok, well I may not look my shoe size, but I don’t think my movements should be accompanied by sound effects either. Sorry…I digress.

The yoga session was to get me ready to go ice skating again today. We went on Christmas day. It was so crowded that we figured a follow up visit was needed. Lil Miss does yoga at school everyday. She instructed us to do the tree pose and cradle rocking our legs, which I think helped us tremendously. She is still in the early learning stage of ice skating. I think she spun her wheel of consciousness until her energy level was on 10+

I think that in trying to keep up with this three person class I threw my whole balance out of whack! I got the anti-chakra effect. I fell and bust my ass for the first time. Ok not my ass… My chin to be exact. 😩😩 Sure I’ve fallen before, but not like this. This was a cold cruel fall. I felt like the universe jumped up and popped me dead in my chin. Soooo disrespectful.

My sons rushed over to see if I was ok. I wasn’t. And I said I so. Did I cry? Inside I was bawling. Outside, I was a G about it and wiped my eyeliner smears. They gave me words of reassurance. I skated onward. Then..I..fell..again 🤦🏽‍♀️ All my confidence was left on the ice as Lil Miss Wobbly-Legs said, “Sweet, you ok? You skate like me huh?”

HEEEYYYY!! Find me at The Fuzz on Facebook and Instagram @fuzzyknotz

Confessions of the Restless

I confess that I’m in need of rest

My bones feel kinda stiff

My limbs just lay here limp

My brain yields no musings

My eyes are tired of looking

I cannot hold a pencil

I understand no books

While I’ve always done my best

Neglect has put me on a hook

Today I separate from our busy coup

Laying indulgently with cupcakes instead of Campbell’s soup

DP Prompt: Confess

Illustrations: Tatiana Poblah ✔️ Check out her Instagram portfolio!!

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Holidays make me sick!!

Ugh. I hate being sick for the holidays. It never fails. A cold or flu will hunt me down like a kid stalking Santa.

I really would like to figure out why I’m instantly susceptible to viruses on Thanksgiving day (I end every year with a warm cup of dieter’s tea and a vitamin cocktail) 🤒 Is this the morning after food blues? The honest truth is that I did gorge on foods that are not necessarily part of my regular diet. I admit I ate turkey and ham 😩😩 Please don’t flog me🤚🏽 I do know better than to eat filthy dirty pig but dammit it tastes good. And well turkey is turkey.

I don’t have the discipline to follow a dietary plan. I love my vegetarian, vegan, and Paleo friends (cudos), but I can’t commit to a regimented anything. I just eat what makes me feel good and avoid what doesn’t. Everything in moderation is my guide (unless it’s cake then moderation doesn’t apply). I only eat meat maybe three meals a week. I just don’t like meat very much. And with a semi-sedentary lifestyle like mine, animal protein is not necessary. So imagine my digestive and endocrine systems reaction to these meats high in sodium and hormones. Well that probably explains the muscle fatigue (you know- stiff shoulders, heavy arms and legs). Which also can be thought of as body aches.

What about the stuffy nose though? 🤔 Can’t blame that on meat. Of course I could say it’s just a head cold. But it can also be an allergic reaction to something I ate. So let’s just consider that. Remember, I go through this every Thanksgiving without fail. So what are the most common factors? 🤔 what could it be? DAIRY!!! 😩😩 I ate dairy. 😳

I have not had a drink of milk in over 25 years. I don’t like milk of any kind. Not goat. Not almonds. Not rice. Not hemp. But definitely not from a freaking cow 😷 (No judgment to milk drinkers, I just can’t do it). When I tell people I don’t like milk, they automatically diagnose me as lactose intolerant. Nope, that ain’t it. I had no problem digesting it, I just think the snotty texture is gross. Cheese sure tastes good, but some blends make me feel flush. (Did you know aged cheeses can bring on hot flashes?) But milk and sharp cheddar cheese are key ingredients in my Mommy’s baked macaroni and cheese and milk and salted butter in her sweet potato pie. Mother (in-law) used milk and butter in her pumpkin pie and milk in her scratch cake. All of which I ate with total abandon. Could those be the mucus causing culprits?

I have been taking remedies since yesterday to help me feel better. A vitamin cocktail (2 vitamin C, 2 flax seed capsules (3,6,9), 2 vitamin E) two times a day, and a cup of fresh brewed cranberry, echinacea tea twice a day. Oh and two teaspoons of Apple cider vinegar before bed. I’m almost back to normal.

67D4FC57-080D-4375-AF0E-F4F758002CCD
I woke up like this!! My eyes are tired and itchy. I think I should take another nap. My headscarf gives me life tho! 

SN: I can’t believe e I posted such a hideous picture of myself 😳😩 but fuck it 🤷🏽‍♀️ I’m a real person and I happen to think that I am not the only person that looks like crap the day after a harvest feast. Soooo… reserve all judgment please & thank you

I wonder though.. Am I the only one this happens too? Does holiday food leave any of you with unpleasant symptoms?

The biggest question is what an I gonna eat at Christmas 😩😩😩 or better yet what am I not going to be able to eat🤔

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